Can I make it as a stand-up comedian?

Mind The Gap

2009-01-31T07:08:00.000-08:00

Yes, hello, it's been a wee while since I 'blogged'.

I've since done two more gigs, firstly I did Comedy Virgins at The Cavendish Arms in London on the 10th of November.

It went OK I suppose, got some laughs but I personally felt a bit, I don't know, like an outsider maybe. There were some really bizarre and strange acts on who weren't even saying anything remotely funny. There were also a few who got good repsonses who really weren't that funny at all.
I also think I wasn't very composed. Many of these others had poor material but somehow, they were supremely confident at delivering it!I believe my stuff was much better, but as I didn't have quite their confidence, that maybe cost me.
I do however think that as the audience was made up of predominantly other acts, they seemed a bit hostile and reluctant to laugh too much. Or I could just be paranoid!

Gig six was last week, the 27th of January at Baby Simple, down the Cowley Road. I ended up doing 13 minutes, my longest yet. I also think it was my most composed and confident performance.
Got constant laughs and ad-libbed a hell of a lot which pleased me. Don't know where some of the comments came from, but they got laughs. "Salvador Dali of the knee".. for example!!

Still would rather get my sitcom and comedy dramas on TV or get somewhere sketch writing with the guild, but this is all good fun and a good learning experience.

Bag o' chips please

2008-11-02T15:59:00.000-08:00

Last Monday, the 27th of October, I went and tried out some new stuff as well as a bit of old, at a student open mic' night.

I've no idea why, given the nightmare I had with students in Manchester, but still.

I immediatley felt like an outsider; "What's he doing here?" I didn't think I looked that out of place, I looked younger than half of them. Anyway, I went on and whilst I didn't die on my arse, I hardly brought the house down.

Basically, there were about 30 people there, about half were intersted, half were more interested in eating pizza. I realised this pretty early on and it galvanised me somewhat.

I had a real "don't give a monkey's attitude" and went through all the stuff I wanted to try out.

I just felt to myself, "fuck it, I'm up here now, I'm going through all these"...

All in all I found this, my fourth gig, a worthwhile exercise. Only slight worry for me was I lost the flow when interrupted on two occasions by cries of "I'm eating"... It just really threw me...

It wasn't until afterwards, that a good reply came to mind... "OK, we'll wait..."

Any others, answers on a postcard...

Brian Clough Way

2008-10-21T15:30:00.000-07:00

Three, is the magic number, a crowd and many other things that have become well known phrases.

Gig three was at the Blessington Carriage in Derby (the Bless for locals I think) which sounds like some sort of crap girls jewellery shop, but anyway...

Fun fact: It's amazing how many people seem to think Derby is really far North, like up on the Yorkshire dales... I've no idea why...

The night is/was called "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?". There were sixteen acts in total and the idea was to survive five minutes without being voted off by five judges in the audience.

The acts were all hanging about in the back room. I left the Mrs to go and mingle and I found it to be a touch 'cliquey' to say the least. Everyone seemed to know each other, so thirty seconds of hanging about like a spare prick was enough, so I returned to Laura's rather more welcoming bosom. I discovered just how friendly the other acts were during the first interval. We'd all been left a drink each and I just asked if they'd had labels on or anything as I'd ordered a coke and there were a few there and one could quite easily have been a JD and coke or something.
This one who looked like the bald bloke out of out Eiffel 65 snottily muttered something along the lines of "probably had a label on the bottle of COKE it came out of".. Yeah, alright mate. Only f**king asking. I reached the final. He lasted only two minutes. Label that, baldy.

I was 9th in the running order, or alternatively, 4th in part 2. See which you prefer. Don't need to let me know though, keep it to yourself.

The night was compered by the very friendly and likeable Andy White. I loved his gag about having his afro comb confiscated on a flight and bursting in on the pilot and saying "take me to Harlem, 1975". I think his general demeanour helped settle me a bit so thanks to Andy. Spiky Mike was cool too, more of a pussy cat than 'spiky' mind you. But yeah, top blokes both.

Anyway, the acts came on, some were good, some were OK, ALL were far less nervy than I was.
I do believe my material is pretty strong, it's just my nervy delivery is the problem. Whereas I think there are a lot of confident deliverers out there, but most of what they're delivering isn't terribly funny.

My turn came and I dropped the roadkill joke from last time and replaced it with two gags about what I overheard these women at work saying about them having been off work.

They went well, as did all of it really. My mate Marcus will be heartened to learn that the gag that someone must've left some red pants in the photocopier got a laugh this time!
And I got through. I did my 'five' and got through to the final. Only five others did so I was really chuffed.

This did however throw me a bit as I hadn't anticipated having to do anything more so I just thought quickly of a few jokes from my reperotoire and to be fair, I didn't deliver them that well and they didn't go down too well.
I did two, the first about why women get called birds died on it's arse. Laura seemed to think it wasn't very audible but I'm not sure.

So yeah, a respectable end result anyway. In the top six out of sixteen.

I'll attempt to post a video of the gig and the final on here once YouTube has decided to let me put it on there and also, once I've worked out how to link it to here properly. Thanks to Paul Fung for the advice there.

Onwards and upwards then.

I didn't die on my arse, I wasn't sick and I got laughs. Only downside was the fact that the services I stopped at on the way home didn't seem to have the machine that played Jean Michel Jarre's "Oxygene" 24 hours a day there anymore....

Still, you can't have everything can you...

The World Is Watching

2008-09-24T14:06:00.000-07:00

I'm now fully YouTubed up!!

Not sure links work directly on here, so put stuff like JOFF, THOMPSON, DOWNSTAIRS, in YouTube and it'll find a video of me, Downstairs at the King's Head.

Since putting it up there, I've had a lot of very positive comments. I'm not going to get totally carried away with them of course, but I think I have surprised a lot of people I know.

What I've learnt so far in this journey is that I can write things that make people laugh. I'm still not sure whether stand-up is my ideal outlet for this humour.

But with the encouragement and good feedback I've had so far, I think I can at least keep going with this for a bit. See how it goes.

Next step is to work out which of that five minutes from the King's Head I want to keep...

And also to make sure I don't vomit, apres gig...

Bowen Selecta!!

2008-09-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

An interesting night began with me noticing that my name was on all the posters as "Joss Thompson"... I've had Josh, Jeff, Jeffrey, whatever, but Joss is a new one.

We then went 'Downstairs' at the King's Head and were met with the sight of Jim Bowen, yes that Jim Bowen,wandering about with some sort of Greek head attire...

It turned out that Jim was there, being filmed for TV, telling apparently old Greek jokes that has been unearthed and translated into English.

He was on as the last act before the break and to be fair the jokes were rotten but that was the point and all part of the fun. He never intended anyone to think they were good. Jim himself is just a funny bloke, so it just worked.

I was on third after the break. And no, the break wasn't so Jim could count out the money someone had won either..

I did think about starting by mentioning Jim and an outtake from Bullseye he featured in. It's a clip where the contestant has landed a dart in 'Places' and Jim asks "In which state of the United States was President Kennedy asassinated in Texas?"

But then I changed my mind. He'd gone by then anyway.

I'm glad I didn't, as I had planned to begin with talking about 'strange people'... Someone was watching over me as the bloke before me, who looked like a cross between a privet bush and Guy of Gisbourne off of kid's TV classic "Maid Marian" rushed on and did little more than run about the stage grinning inanely and then running about again. Some people liked it but I think most of us sat bemused...

So I stepped up after that, said "There are a lot of strange people about" (as I'd intended anyway) and they thought I was referring to the bloke before, so I get a big laugh.

Anyway, I was on... I got on with it and didn't really fuck too much up (I've not watched it back yet so I may see some bits I hate). I came off feeling relieved, because it was over and also because I hadn't made a total fanny of myself.

I'm not sure how long I went on for, I suspect it was under 5 minutes. I was worried about taking up too much time, so I ended it with two jokes untold.

I think I will put this one up on YouTube. Will get that sorted either tomorrow or Sunday.

I'm still not sure whether I'm cut out for it or not...

I've felt very ill after doing the two I've done. Last night, we had to stop on the hard shoulder whilst I filled a small paper bag that should normally contain a small box of tablets, with lots of sick.

Mmmm...

So, Jim Bowen, freaky people, laughs and vomit... Not too bad an evening then...

Feeding William

2008-09-17T15:06:00.001-07:00

Before I leave for London today, I thought I'd just say thanks to a few people for their interest/support/kind words/help (delete as applicable).

In alphabetical order then, thanks to:

Laura Copeland
Nicola Cubbon
Nicola Everitt
Emma Jones
Hollee Mason
Alex 'Screech' Mayes-Baker
Ruth Merrian
Georgina Sowerby
Brian West
Vickie Weston
Martyn Whawell

If I've forgotten anyone, that means your name didn't come into my head when I wrote this...

Rentaghost

2008-09-17T15:06:00.000-07:00

My Mrs was reading Dr. Gillian McKeith's "You Are What You Eat" book eariler and I was intrigued to see a chapter entitled "Top 5 Bummers"... Insert your own punchline there as required...

Anyway, tomorrow night I descend on London to appear for five minutes at the hallowed venue known as 'Downstairs at the King's Head'.

I've got a five minute set sorted, I've gone for a few longer pieces just to help me with remembering things. In fact, my themes for tomorrow night are thus:

Roadkill
Ruth The Truth
When I'm in a group of women
Paper plates
My Mrs ringing me up
Thunder storms when I was at school
Wiping

Only 7 themes to remember. I'm sure I won't remember them all. I'll forget parts of all of them and will miss out one of them altogether.

I'm trying not to delude myself by thinking I'm going to do well. I see other amateurs out there who I don't think are funny at all. But hey, at least they can deliver a joke properly and don't forget bits and punctuate everything with 'err' and 'ummm' like I do. Delivery is everything and my not being able to remember anything as soon as I get on stage makes my delivery shit.

I'll give it a shot anyway. I hope it goes well, just so I can finally put myself on youtube and say to people "Look! I did that!"

Stars On 45

2008-09-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

After a short intermission, I'm blogging again. Had a busy weekend of being a daddy and watching poor quality football.
As well as being busy, I've not been feeling too special. That was added to on Saturday night by my arse of a brother 'helping' me with the disco I was doing. 'Helping' ended up with him letting one of the lighting rig poles fall onto my head. It's still hurting a bit now... It's Tuesday night...

This meant I really wasn't feeling like, well doing anything really, let alone trekking to London on the bus and attempting to do some stand-up.

So I cancelled my gig at the Blue Posts. Felt a bit funny doing that, I hope I've not p*ssed them off.

I am however, going to troop up/down/over to London Thursday night to "Downstairs at the King's Head".

Just need to again, work out a decent five minutes and then hope I can remember it.

I think it's going to be better for me to not think too much about what I'm doing, don't pin too much on it and really, not really give a monkey's about it, in the hope this helps me relax a bit and not forget everything...

I'm still convinced that however I prepare, my mind will just go blank, regardless...

Non-smoker preferred

2008-09-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

Whilst on one of my 'no smoking breaks' at work today, I started to think about my 'act' and I think I need to be more me, more real, more anecdotal.
I think I come across better when I do my 'take something apart and take the piss out of it' type things. I think I tell them better and I can remember them better too.

Regarding Monday I think I'll take that approach. Slow it down, take it easy. Breathe easy, just do more slow moving observational stuff, rather than a mix of all styles in an attempt to get the most laughs possible.

That'll be my Sunday then, making sure I've got five minutes of ripping it out of silly and meaningless things...

Sunshine Reggae

2008-09-10T14:55:00.000-07:00

Starting to pick myself from Monday's humiliation. To be honest, it left me crushed.

Kind words from friends and some reassurance from fellow amatuers have helped me halt the slide into despair.

At this point I'd like to thank Ruth Merrian for her support and kind words. Ruth, I'm here to do the same should you die like me. I'm sure you won't, but you get the idea... : )

I think maybe I put too much on doing well on Monday. I think I should try to just relax and not really think too much about it. Not base the rest of my life on performing stand-up in front of some Manc' students...

So I look forward to Monday. Only in the sense that it's in the future. To be honest, I think I dread Monday, at the Blue Posts in London. Maybe, not really caring too much, thinking I'll be shit, might just help...A laid back approach might be the key...

This isn't a gong show so at least I will get to tell my jokes in full... It does however mean my death will for far more drawn out and painful...

Why am I doing this???

Apres Frog

2008-09-09T05:28:00.000-07:00

I write this from my bed, during a quick break from sleeping. I've got a huge headache, I'm running hot and cold and feel a bit sick too.

The signs were never good from the off. The first thing I said to Hollee was "they're a bit young in here, I'm the oldest person in here". This was confirmed when the compere began the night by dividing the audience up into universities. Well, it was a Monday night.

What happens is there are ten acts, though there were 12 last night. Three members of the audience have these big cards that they're meant to hold up when they want you off the stage. Once all three cards are held up, the compere sounds his airhorn and you're off.

Just before it started, I began to wonder who exactly has the cards? I then found out. It's whoever the compere likes the look of. In this case, three young women.

No men. Three women. All students.

My face fell. "That's me fucked then" I said to Hollee. I even told her that which joke I'd get kicked off on.

I was watching the girls as the acts came on to see what they were laughing at. This blonde one opposite me spent half the time, talking to the people with her and looking over to see when someone else put their card up, so then she could too.

So the bottom line is, I have to make three student girls laugh... Great!

I was 5th on.

I began with:

The song says: ‘Club Tropicana’ drinks are free. Well, what about things like bar snacks? Crisps, nuts and all that? No mention of them is there and that’s because they’re f**king expensive! It’s all very well banging on about ‘free drinks’ but they’ve got to make their money somewhere. They’ve got overheads. Sure they’ll entice you with the promise of free drinks, but they’ll fleece you on the dry roasted.

Nothing... I went on...

I work in an office and the other day, our manager came out of her office and over to this woman opposite me and said "Hi. Have you got capacity? I need you to have a look at some figures". Why do we have to say that now, 'have you got capacity?' instead of 'have you got a minute?' or 'are you free?' It’s a good job they didn’t speak like that in the workplace years ago. Things ‘Are You Being Served?’ wouldn’t have been the same would they. “Do you have capacity Mr Humphreys?” “I have capacity!”

Nothing...

To be fair, the impressions which I can do well, came out poorly, but it made no diference, they clearly didn't have a clue about corporate speak or the sitcom in question.

I then attempted to tell my next joke out which I began with:

My Mrs has started learning to drive and has been looking at buying her first car...

I got about as far as the word 'been' as there was suddenly a general kerfuffle in the room. The compere suddenly headed for his airhorn, the room noticing this began to cheer, the women looked about at each other and at him, all stuck their cards up and I was off. 1.20

Cheers! What I grasp from that is the compere thought I was going to go on about women drivers, which I wasn't. Even if I was, so what? But still, I wasn't.

It's merely an intro into it because Laura is learning to drive and we have been looking at her getting a car. The joke would've continued...

"I guarantee the first thing she’ll do is name it. Why do women have to give their cars names? Years ago when I bought my first car, my then girlfriend christened it Bertha. It’s always those sorts of names isn’t it, Bertha, Bertie, Bella, etc. It’s never Alan or Chris.
One girlfriend of mine had a Ford Fiesta called Fifi. She was always going on about her precious little Fifi Fiesta. I didn’t actually realise that she’d named it that to begin with; I just thought she had a fucking stutter."

I sat down and during the next act, who did 'hilarious' stuff about Tories being c***s, crap sex gags, and wanking over Princess Diana's funeral, this blonde 'judge' was glaring across at me for some reason. I mouthed "Cheers" across to her, which was the only time that night I made her laugh.

Point is, she was meant to be judging the acts, but again, she wasn't paying attention to them. Hollee looked at me with a face that said "Shall we go then?" and we did.

I was most pissed off with the fact the judges were all women the compere fancied and they only seemed to find jokes about drinking, sex and drugs told by gay blokes funny. I was on a hiding to nothing from the start.

To be honest, my delivery of my second joke wasn't too good but I'd have gone at the same point anyway.

I'm also annoyed that an incorrect assumption was made about what me joke was about. At least let me f**king tell it!!

I'm going back to sleep now.

The day arriveth...

2008-09-08T07:38:00.000-07:00

And so, after binning most of my planned routine last night, I sit here, rather nervously, ready to leave for Manchester.

I think I've felt every emotion possible today... Except maybe for mourning, and lust.

Tomorrow's blog will be the big one...

So, as women up and down the country are saying, "Adios!"

At the eleventh hour...

2008-09-07T14:48:00.000-07:00

Sunday night, getting in some last minute rehearsing before tomorrow night's 'Beat The Frog' and suddenly decided to change the whole thing! My five minutes of material and my entire approach to it!

I think I've made things overly hard for myself by linking the whole lot, which I find is making it hard for me to remember.

I think if I just write a wee list of key words relating to jokes and just tell whichever come into my head first, might work better for me than the regimented, linked way I'd decided on doing.

By this time tomorrow night I will have discovered if this was a good or shite decision and also, whether I managed to.... BEAT THE FROG!!!

The Great Soprendo.

2008-09-06T14:36:00.000-07:00

After mentioning yesterday that I'm a DJ and occasionally do karaoke nights and the fact that I don't have a picture on here, gave me visions of people getting the idea I'm some fat, middle-aged waistcoast and bow tie wearing type DJ, or in other words, Geoffrey Durham.

I will remedy that in a bit by putting a picture on my blog profile.

Last night's karaoke was a bit quiet, I sang three times: "World In Motion", "Keep On Lovin' You" (by one of the biggest stadium bands in the world, REO Speedwagon) and "Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport"...

That really was it...

As "Beat The Frog" edges closer, I seem to be thinking less about it. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. When it does cross my mind, sometimes I feel anxious, other times I feel realy revved up.

Tomorrow, I shall be buying myself some new footwear and a T shirt to wear, then in the evening I think I should do some actual rehaersing, complete with mic' and mic' stand.
Mainly to make sure I don't bugger about with the stand and also, just to see if there's anything in my 5 minutes that requires me to have two hands free.

Definitely a day of preparation tomorrow...

Go home if you don't like it!

2008-09-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

To quote Chris Morris, "it's raining it's arse off"...

Just got drenched loading up my car to go and do a fun filled karaoke night. I'm not sure how many people are going to feel like venturing out in this weather to 'sing' "Time Of My Life" and "Summer Lovin" (a shame people don't dig a little deeper, I've got the theme from "Diff'rent Strokes" on the machine) ....

I certainly don't feel like doing it. But I'm a trouper so naturally I'll go. I'll try and get people to do it. They won't. I'll have to murder "The One & Only" and "Hungry Eyes", to try to encourage them, then about 3 hours later the familiar faces will roll in and do their 'stuff'.

I don't mind singing on the karaoke, I just don't like doing it when I'm hosting it. Singing to a few disinterested drinkers is far worse than singing to a 100 strong crowd.
When I host these, I've not been drinking and I sound bloody awful sober. I've now experienced the delusions people are under when they get up to perform, loaded with liquor.

It's interesting that if I sing on the karaoke and then say to the crowd, "Well that was poor, I'm sure someone else can do better", that'd be accepted amongst the punters.
However, should I tell a joke and then say the same, it's not the same at all.

One of the things I've learnt so far is if a joke dies, move on. Don't acknowledge the fact and discuss it with the audience. Don't admit to them you're failing.

But if your "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" IS shit, then declare it...

Here's a link to the finest karaoke performance ever..... Skim past the first bit and start at 1.27

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHhMhJB1F5E

Why the bloody hell am I doing this?

2008-09-04T13:18:00.000-07:00

People have asked me why I'm venturing into the world of comedy. Well, I'll try and address that now.
I think I've always been into comedy, or at least being silly and pissing about. I think it must've been from the age of about 8 years old, myself and my best mate used to make tapes on an old Sharp cassette recorder.
It was sh*t, obviously, but we were young. We'd just invent our own crap radio shows such as "Sounds Time", "Story Story" and a magazine show called "My Arse". (Quite!)
We also did our own versions of TV shows, Grandstand, Jim'll Fix-It (which had the same joke every time in it, involving Guns & Roses and the King Singers), Treasure Hunt, Henry's Cat and Heads & Tails.
Thinking back,it's actually a pretty constructive thing to do really, considering what a lot of kids our age did. My parents didn't see it as something creative. My Dad would storm upstairs and bellow "Alex can go home now, you're just pratting around up here like stupid giggling girls".
Thanks for that. Maybe he'd have preferred me to to be out in the streets, hanging about and being anti-social.

So there was that. We did this way into our teens. Some of the last things I recall doing was the Children's BBC Roadshow, the Roy Castle Merchandise Mail Order Catalogue and a series of stupid improvised shop sketches.

A word on my best mate, Alex (Screech). I think he has one of the most surreal, creative minds ever. Every year at Christmas and birthdays, he makes us all cards and I just die laughing at them.
He basically just cuts words and pictures out of books, magazines and papers but what he does with them is akin to the kind of things Terry Gilliam did on MPFC.
I really think he should do more with this, create some sort of little animation series or something.
He's also the only friend of mine who can really get me laughing, you know, with tears and everything. When we made these tapes, he'd make me laugh far more than I did him.

As well as this, there were things I'd do at school. My friend Kev' and I spent a large part of our time in English writing a huge list of made up stupid names.
We then made a new list of names by making spoonerisms of the names we made on the first list and also spoonerisms of celebrities, i.e Spristy Dungfield or Humperbert Engledink.

Anyway...

What I'm getting at is that I'm not someone who has just suddenly thought "yeah, I can do that".

I've always enjoyed watching and creating silly things. I've always tried to be the silly person.

The stand-up thing has spawned out of the script writing I've been doing the last year or so. I've also created a few scripts for comedy dramas and when I started writing these, I'd come up with things that I found funny but just didn't sit right in a comedy/drama. More and more stuff kept coming that was more suited to stand-up and it's kind of just gone that way.

So yeah, I've always tried to be funny.... it's no whim...

Competition and horseshit computers.

2008-09-04T05:01:00.000-07:00

This is actually my blog for Wednesday the 3rd of September, as yesterday evening, all computers in my house decided to bollocks up completely and not run internet explorer. Note to self: install Firefox on all PCs.
Anyway, that aside, before the internet went knob up, I managed to view a selection of people appearing at Beat The Frog on YouTube.
Now, I'm not going to start slagging people off who've done more than me and this is only a tiny representation of who's been on there, but suffice to say, if they can get laughs, then my material should.
I'm always worried about watching any amateur or indeed working stand ups, as I worry that the standard will be really good and it'll put me off trying myself. I also worry about watching any comedy now, as I worry one of my jokes might get told. I'm not saying someone will have pinched it, of course not, how could they? It's just that it's not out of the question that I could've written something that someone else already has.
I'm quite paranoid about that. I can, hand on heart, say that every joke I've written I've come up with myself, but I worry that someone else might have written something similar and people will think I've stolen it.
I suppose that's just a risk you take.

So yeah, without wanting to sound arrogant (I'm going to worry about that now), from what I've seen from other open mic' performances, I'm at least capable of matching them. He says.....
Let's see if I say the same thing next week!!

No life required.

2008-09-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

I've often wondered since I've begun to write, just how people manage to write and also live their lives.
Been completely sidetracked today by my daughter visiting for the night and Oxford United playing away at Northwich Victoria. I predicted a 2-1 win for us, we're currently winning 2-1.... but Oxford are seldom predictable.
I've also had to arrange public liability insurance for a disco I'm doing for some friends in a few weeks and sort out my camcorder so I can film my daughter's first day at school tomorrow.

Then there are things like washing, ironing, eating, day job, weekend job.....

On the comedy front today, I've written an OK joke about hurricanes (topical!) and have sorted out who will be joining me at the Frog & Bucket. One of the barmaids where I DJ has offered to film it for me. So big thanks to Hollee.

It's still 2-1 but we're making hard work of it as usual...

I'm sure there must be plenty to laugh at regarding Oxford United, but it currently escapes me...

The wisdom of Alexei Sayle

2008-09-01T04:48:00.000-07:00

Watching a DVD of Alexei Sayle the other day, he remarked that basically we as humans, will agree to do anything at all that someone asks us, if it's far enough in the future. (I could quote it precisely as it would make far more sense if I did, but I can't be arsed to dig the DVD out again).

I'm starting to feel this now. The whole idea of trekking round Manchester, London and everywhere seemed exciting and a relative breeze when booked months in advance.
Now the clock is really ticking and my time is almost here, I start to ask myself if I really can do it?

I'm trying to pin down what it is that worries me. It's not, as some may think, whether I'll get laughs, I'm convinced that delivered well, my jokes will get laughs. What I think worries me, is that very thing. The delivery. I'm starting to worry about not getting the words out in the right order, or forgetting the next part, as I did a few times at my Jericho gig. I think delivery is probably more important than the actual joke itself.

But what else can I do? Except learn it and learn it well! Problem with that is that I then I start to think it'll sound crap and TOO rehearsed!!

Going back to Alexei, whilst viewing said DVD, my girlfriend (who happened to be in the room too, although not really paying much attention to Sayle's rants) turned to me and said "Oh my God, that's you!"
She thought his delivery sounded like me as a person in general and the things he was moaning about is also the kind of things I'd point out, apparently.

I considered this for a moment and it came back to me when later that day, I was running over my definitive 5 minute set, I heard myself in my mind, sounding a bit like Alexei. I also heard myself sounding like David Baddiel in his 'Mary Whitehouse Experience' days.
I think it's down to the joke itself, as I do tend to tell different types.

I suppose if certain jokes are in a certain person's style, I may well subconsciously tell them in a similar way to their style.

If I come across as a slightly less angry Alexei Sayle, with a hint of a young David Baddiel too, that can't be that bad. I'd prefer to come across as me though. But then I expect everyone in any kind of career will be compared to someone somwhere.

Food for thought anyway, though I should really be using my mind for nothing but line learning at this moment in time.

Sort it out Joff!!

One week to go!

2008-08-31T16:46:00.000-07:00

Well, it's a few hours away from the 1st of September so I'm now one week away from my first proper stand-up comedy gig. On the 8th, I shall be attempting to 'Beat The Frog' at the Frog & Bucket in Manchester.
I say 'proper', I did do one gig, back in March but it wasn't what I'd call proper. It was at place called The Old Bookbinders' in Jericho, Oxford one Sunday night where they hold an open mic' night.

I discovered almost immediately that night that no one had ever done comedy there before.
So not daunting then! It's a tiny place and I think there was probably no more than 30 or so people there.
I had to wait a while and ended up drinking a few too many Smirnoff Ices before I stepped up.

Then suddenly, I stepped up. I was on. I'm also a DJ, so I'm not adverse to standing up in front of people, but there was no music or lights to hide behind. It's me and a mic'. (When I wrote that last sentence, for some reason I thought of the never popular children's TV show 'Mike, Mop & The Moke).

Anyway... I was up there. I began by announcing that I was going to do comedy, which was met with a sense of "Oh, this could interesting" from the room.

It seemed to go on for about 2 minutes, but it actually clocked in at about 13. My first joke was a spontaneous remark about the fact this was clearly a 'real' pub as they had a games table in there and I noticed they had 'Risk'. I thought this an ill suited game for a pub and told them the sole reason the 24 hour drinking laws had been brought in, was purely so they could actually finish a bloody game of it! It went down ok. It got 'The medium thumbs' I guess.

I then retold what my mum had said about Harry Hill in completely the wrong order, so it didn't work at all. It's not even that great a line anyway. It was just the fact that my mum had said he's the best person they've ever had presenting "Are you being framed?".

I began to pick up the pace a bit, as I did so, they seemed to be coming with me as. My piece on Chat magazine's 'Ruth The Truth' went well (I shall be using a slightly altered version of this next week), as did my obsession with putting any group of women into a 'life depends on it shag order'.

I finished off by completely forgetting my piece on 'Cash In the Attic', which didn't matter as they wouldn't have known I had and it is a bit long winded too.

But yeah, they laughed, they clapped, they enjoyed it. As I passed the bar, one older chap who was still laughing, shook my hand and said "Genius!". Hmmm...

As a first ever attempt, I was reasonably pleased. I didn't die on my arse at all. Which thinking about it now is a bit scary, as that's clearly still to come. I will at some point, of course I will. I take solace in this by remembering Peter Sellars dying on stage in Portsmouth and yelling "Well f*** you all" before walking off.
When I do die, I'll be in good company.

My friend Lewis filmed The Old Bookbinders gig for me. I squirm when I watch it back now. All I hear are the 'errs' and the 'umms'.

A few months on from that, I now have a chance to show what I can do at a renowned comedy venue like the Frog & Bucket. With now only a week away, I begin to think back to that night and hope that I at least learnt something.

And so ends the first of many blogs, on my journey to try and become a stand-up comedian. I'm not sure how far I can take it, I'm looking to just tread water initially, but I'm well aware I could easily drown.